Jokes for the philosophical mind

May 20, 2009 § 2 Comments

I ran across these at another blog (I won’t link to it because the language was somewhat crude) and found them so typical of philosophers/philosophy professors that I had to post them. In my experience, there is one thing you have to say about philosophy professors…they have great senses of humor.

Joke #1:

“Hey guys? What’s the first Law of Philosophy?”

(Everyone shakes their head in the negative)

For every philosopher, there exists an equal and opposite philosopher.

(A response of ribald laughter)

“OK..OK, now what’s the Second Law of Philosophy?”

(Anticipatory silence which prefaces the punchline)

“They’re both wrong!!!!”

Joke #2:

Question: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a philosopher?
Answer: An offer you can’t understand.

Joke #3 (my favorite):

Question: What do you get when you cross an aesthete with a phenomenologist?
Answer: An interior daseiner.

Joke #4:

Question: How many constructionist philosophers does it take to replace a light bulb?

Answers: Two. One stands at one end of the room and argues that it isn’t dark; the other stands at the other end and says that true light is impossible.

Joke #5 (I’ve heard this one):

Descartes is sitting in a bar, having a drink. The bartender asks him if he would like another. “I think not,” he says and vanishes in a puff of logic.

Joke #6 (I’ve heard this one too):

Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, “I’d like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream.”

The waitress replies, “I’m sorry, monsieur, but we’re out of cream. How about with no milk?”

Joke #7:

A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what to talk about. He asks his father for advice. The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time, as the boy’s nervousness builds. He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic. He asks the girl: “Do you like potato pancakes?” She says “No,” and the silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?”


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