March 20, 2009 § Leave a comment
I’m at a point where I’m not sure studying for comprehensive exams is really going to help me anymore; more than likely it is only going to stress me out now. As a result I’ve cut back on the rigorous review schedule and am adding more “overview” philosophy books to my reading list. Perhaps I should compile a list of “top ten books to read for preparation for comps”. It may be helpful for those who have to take the exams in the future.
Last night was very pleasant — I studied, practiced piano for an hour and a half until my hands ached, and had a lovely time at RCIA as usual. All our candidates and catechumens are wonderful people, and I love each and every one of them. Please, pray pray PRAY for our eight converts! And please continue to keep my special intention in your prayers.
I was moved beyond words yesterday while in prayer as I cleared my mind to go to RCIA. In the little chapel at the convent where our meetings are held, there is a teeny little tabernacle (it’s amazing how even that teeny little tabernacle can hold such a BIG GOD). I was thinking back on a grace I recieved a month or so ago, and I’ll share the story with you.
I like to think about religion in terms of imagery and I do a lot of meditation on imagery. One of my favorite images has been that of each person as a child – a baby – sitting in the corner of a room playing with a wonderful toy. Everyone has had a marvelous toy during their childhood that they remember: for me it was my stuffed clown that was my companion until I loved him to pieces. To complete the picture, Jesus was always the loving Father who gave the child the toy, gave me that toy, that caused so much delight. He loves us with such a tender Love, and His heart glows at the child’s innocent smile and exclamations of pure happiness.
But over the past six months my imagery was corrupted and horribly skewed. The toy was ripped from the hands of the child in my mind, leaving the child crying in a dark corner. This image has been oppressing my mind for a while. On retreat last month, I discovered that Jesus had fallen out of the image completely! It seems it would be an obvious piece to miss, but it took a great deal of prayer before I came to the realization. The loving Father, Jesus, would not rip the toy from the hands of His child. What one may perceive as a toy taken away is in reality the Father taking the old toy away to replace it with something far, far better. I praise God that He finally pierced my blindness and made this clear to me. It is a real grace.
Satan would like us to think that God wants us to be unhappy; Satan wants to skew our understanding of Who God Is. Thankfully, we need only to cry out to God and He hears us, because in actuality He never left us.